You know you are a racer if... :-)

[MR LIPP]

You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
You take your helmet along when you go to a car dealership for a test-drive.
Every time you go to the grocery store you feel compelled to beat your previous best time.
When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved.
When you hear 'overcooked it,' instead of food you think 'off the track.'
You change engine oil every other week. You check tire pressures every other day.
You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
You once had an argument with your wife over whether you should pay the mortgage on time or get those new heads while they were on sale.
You push your cart through a proper line in the grocery store.
You've paid $8.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
You bought a tow vehicle instead of braces for your kid.
You and your wife go house hunting and you never actually get inside the house because you're checking out the garage for 220v.
You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
Your wife doesn't understand why you need three sets of tires for your car.
Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
You're registered for wedding gifts with Edelbrock and Griggs.
Your Christmas list begins with another set of BFG R1s and aluminum rack bushings and your 'significant other' knows what these are.
Your home library consists of auto parts catalogs, books written by F1 drivers, anything about Carroll Shelby, and 400 car magazines.
People know you by your car number or your "offs" -- "Oh, you were the one stuck in the mud in Turn 5 last weekend!"
Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
Your friends have never seen your hair actually combed. They only know it's color as "greasy."
Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply, "Corn."
You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out.
You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you are the best.
You can't stand understeer.
You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.
You hate long distance driving vacations, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.
You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
You save broken car parts as "mementos."
You've tried synthetic oil and racing gas in your lawn mower.
You've tweaked your riding lawn mower trying to improve its cornering ability.
Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have time slips.
You would choose a rollbar over air conditioning if it were an option.
You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots using the Emergency Brake to turn.
You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
When someone asks where you went to school, you reply, "Skip Barber".
You have racing shops programmed on your speed dialer.
You own five cars and only one of them is street legal.
You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute.
You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted your penalty time in the rearview mirror afterwards.
After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation she answers: "Why, is there a race there?"
Grass IS a racing surface.
You believe anyone can drive in a straight line.
You don't wait for the red light to go green - you wait for the red light to go out.
You know the "Line" of your office parking lot.
If it is a fair race, you forgot to change your tires.
Your friend comes over to take you for a drive in his new car and you run inside to get your helmet.
You've driven to work in Nomex driving shoes and changed when you got there.
You have four complete sets of sockets, two rolling tool boxes and not a single hammer.
If you drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
You removed your car stereo and horn because they weighed too much.
You've watched COPS and critiqued the suspect's driving line.
Your garden hose holder is an old wheel.
You've put on a three-point belt and felt naked.
You've ever made a small fortune racing by starting off with a big one.
You've ever had to explain the difference between a wheel and a tire.
If you wax your daily driver but toss tools on top of your more expensive race car.
You take your helmet to the eyeglasses store to make sure the new ones fit thru the eyeport.
You walk the "line" in your office hallways.
You aim for the apex when walking around corners.
You measure tire wear in number of events instead of miles.
You've been asked the year of your car and you say Which Part?
If you pack a torque wrench and extra oil to travel 100 miles to visit your in-laws.
Your air gauge is in a koozie.
If someone asks if you drove there and you say "No, I trailered it."
If your wife has ever said, "Just go" and you held back a smile.
You've ever been pulled over and considered losing the Cop on the next three turns.
You've ever stopped to help a stranded motorist just to use your new portable impact drill.
You are behind on bills but your mechanic is paid up.
You've ever complimented someone's tires.
You've ever argued that worn street tires on your minivan are the same as slicks.
You've ever debated to buy a house or fix your cars.
Your co-workers all know to call you with car issues.
You've ever met another car nut and became instant life long friends.
Picking out tires for your daily driver requires a lot thought.
You've ever used an impact drill to remove a children's bicycle wheel.
You keep old brakes pads from six changes ago "just in case."
Your tools are clean, oil is changed, brake fluid is flushed but the car is dirty.
You know how to override the governors on the rental golf carts.
You go through cars more often than helmets.
You've ever turned off the radio and listened to your engine instead.
You've ever measured tire temps on a daily driver.
You've ever forgotten you owned an extra motor.
You've ever had your wheels stolen and didn't worry because you had another set.
You've ever see a co-worker's new car and advised them to get new rubber.
You've ever beaten a young punk's hot rod with your minivan.
You could have paid off your house by now…and your neighbor's.
You've ever asked someone how their car is doing before inquiring about their recent surgery.
You've trashed your stock car jack in favor of a much larger aluminium one because "it is better."
Your two year old has sockets for building blocks instead of actual blocks.
Your child's toy cars match yours with the same paint scheme.
You've broken up with someone over Automatic vs. Manual.
You won't date someone who doesn't know when their next oil change is due.
You have tire marks on your hood.
You've ever forgotten your hood pins…and paid the price for it.
You hear about the Bus Stop and think Daytona's road course.
You see pool noodles and remember your roll cage.
You see a cone marking the apex and turn in. Only to remember you are on your street and it is marking a missing drain cover.
If you don't include your tow vehicle in your car count.
You pack floor jacks and an air compressor for family vacations.
You have more pictures of your car than of your kids.
You still have engines for cars you no longer own.
You have dents all around and honestly don't care.
You have Debusman's address memorized.
You're trying to shave seconds off each time you rotate your tires.
Your daughter in law is about to deliver you a grandson... and you are more concerned about the delivery of your new race car!
You make suspension adjustments on your lunch hour to correct the oversteer you experienced on the commute to work.
You're asked how the weather is outside and you respond, "at which track?"
You have rats nest in your race car because you hardly ever start it off track.
Every time you change your oil you change your tires.
When you care more about your car's self apearence than your own.
You've actually forgotten where you keep all your cars.
You have more spare tires than your wife has shoes.
You can't remember which one of your cars you left your helmet in.
Your coworkers are baffled by you owning more than one car.
You have more cars than drivers in your family.
You have car parts for cars you no longer own.
Your shelves have more car parts than boxes.
Shiny new sports cars don't impress you.
You measure a tire's life in weekends instead of miles.
You've ever fallen for a girl who not only bought a sports car but could tell you all about it.
You've taken your kid to the garage to get tools to build an Erector set.
You have racing games on your phone.
Near misses during rush hour don't phase you.
Your car is awesome but getting in and out of it just sucks.
Everyone laughs at you for buying a Miata and you just grin.
You can't remember the type of tow vehicle you have except that is has an "engine."
You have walked back into your house twice because you keep picking up the wrong keys.
You've gotten in your family car and tried to insert the keys in the wrong side of the dash.
You fold your shop towels but won't lift a finger to help fold the laundry.
You have more shop towels than bath towels.
Nothing in your garage has anything to do with lawn work or carpentry.
Every time you gas up, you yell to your spouse to time you.
Only the driver's side of your windshield gets cleaned.
The word Bank has nothing to do with money.
When you have an accident, the first thing you try to do is pull off the steering wheel.
You consider slower cars in the left lane as 'lapped traffic'.
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program
You know the back way to Talledega.
You make engine noises while watching racing on TV.
You make sure to stay under 55 as you leave the gas pumps.
You think the first car at a stoplight is 'on the pole'.
You time yourself on your wrist watch when you pull up to a self serve gas pump.
Your mechanic tells you to stop referring to him as 'your crew chief'.
Despite of all the time and trouble, you're anxious for the season to start.
Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
The car gets waxed more often than your floor.
The police have a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
The tire shop won't honor the tread-life warranty on any car you've been anywhere near.
You bought a race car before buying a house.
You buy cheap tires for your street car, to save money for your race tires.
You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
You came back early from your honeymoon in order to attend driver's school.
You can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends.
You complain the seat belts in the family car aren't tight enough.
You critique the way people wave the flags at a parade.
You do more catalog shopping than your wife.
You feel compelled to beat your previous best time when you go on a trip.
You get your first racing tee shirt and you are really excited.
You have enough spare parts to build another car.
You have more pictures of race cars on you desk than of your family.
You have more than one roll of duct tape around the house.
You paid more for your race car than for your house.
You plan your social life around the race schedule.
You put all the race car receipts you can under 'Auto Repair Expense' on your budget.
You remember the details of every race you've been in, but can't remember your phone number.
You select pets based on their ability to survive a weekend alone.
You stick your arm out the window and raise it straight up before turning into your driveway.
You used to have money.
Your 2-year-old knows the meanings of all the flags.
Your criteria for selecting a 'significant other' includes auto repair skills. Air tools are a plus.
Your daughter was an SCCA member when she was 1 day old.
Your wife can never find enough hangers because you've used all the wire ones as welding rods.
Your wife decides to become a race official so she'll see more of you during the season.
You've started looking for sponsors for your daily commute.
You believe straights are for fast cars and corners are for fast drivers.
When you have dead weeds on the rear deck of the inside of your car.
You are reading these at 03:00 AM. In January.
You put your helmet in the front of your Porsche and then worry that you should have put it inside in case you read-ended another car.
You look at your bank account and begin to cry.
You scheduled a race the day before you get married; and you're the bride.
You refer to Bott's Dots as "Gators."
You adjust the tire pressures on your trailer because it understeers.
You've ever measured your pool temperature with an infrared temp sensor.
You've ever needed a vacation from the track because you are there so much.
You go months before spending a weekend at home.
You don't count your tow vehicle in the list of cars you own.
Your car isn't ready but you still go to the track and just walk around.
You honestly do not know the year your track car was built.
You detail your engine to look for possible oil leaks but could care less about the interior.
You take your kids to the track to spend more time with them.
Your iPhone has timing software on it.
You've mounted a race seat and harness to your riding lawn mower.
You have a car inside your home as a piece of art - and I'm not talking about the garage.
You mixup ROSTER with ROADSTER
You always wear your seatbelt not because it's the law but because you take spirited corners.
Your a/c vent smells like the socks in your helmet bag.
Your trailer has its own tire budget.
All your tools are in your trailer and not your garage.
You have a near miss on a public road and don't flub the words in the song you're singing.
You come across a six car pile up and you first look for the line.
You come across a wreck and say "God bless attrition."
Your childrens names are:SEBRING, DAYTONA, ROEBLING and HOMESTEAD
You wear a Hans on your bicycle.
You consider a flat tire a "mechanical."
You consider 10,000 RPM as mid range.
You are happiest when your street car's tires are worn to racing depth and the wear bars are showing.
You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
Your racing budget is one of the big three -- mortgage, car payments and maintenance/modifications.
Your email address refers to your race car rather than to you.
You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
You know well that Orthodontic work is the equivalant of three sets of tires.
You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
Your GF says, "If you buy another car, we are breaking up."
You own more race cars than children.
More than one race parts supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
You install upgrades on your car at your work.
After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next question is always: "And you do this for fun?"
You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
You talk to other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturer's name.
Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair skills, air tools optional.
Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in, but can't remember your own cell phone number.
You give out Summit Racing's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger gives you a real funny look.
Understeer makes you want to throw up a little.
You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas.
The local police and state Highway Patrol have a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
You spend more time polishing your exhaust tips every day than you do bathing.
White smoke coming out from under your tires is a common sight.
You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter."
Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for given situations.
When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think of "The Auto Math Handbook"
You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding mower and want to improve them.
You've embarrassed your significant other at least once by insisting on wearing your full face helmet while driving.
When a girl asks if you are single and you pop your hood.
You have started to only race crotch rockets b/c they're the only competition.
When someone asks you to sell your car for the blue book you just laugh at their stupidity.
When you no longer snore, but make boost and blow-off-valve noises in your sleep.
You go through tires almost as fast as gas
You're sick of the fast and the furious.
You have a brand new set of tires, but you keep looking at the tire ads, anyway.
You can quote all of your cars specs, but can't remember your anniversary.
You take the long way everywhere and still get there first.
You talk about your car like it was made by God.
When you spend 90 hours within a week and a half looking for a 1/2 psi boost leak.
You have 10K in mods, but the stock stereo system.
You look at your boost gauge more than your speedometer.
E-bay loves you.
As you're washing the car, you take your jacket off so it won't scratch the paint.
The last one doesn’t bother you, because your car likes it harder and faster anyway.
When you hear the term “pump gas” you think of $4+ a gallon an 100+ octane.
You make more power with one liter than most cars do total.
You get your roomates girlfriend cause she likes your car better.
You have another car that costs less than the tires on the race car that you drive when it rains.
People crap their pants when you tell them how much boost you run daily.
People start to chase you on the highway to follow you.
You dont even look at the price of regular gas any more.
You are more worried about hurting your car in a wreck than yourself.
Your GF threatens to break up with you if you don't spend more time with her.
Cops stop you to talk about your car.
You smirk at people in their slow, $60,000 M3's
Your upgrades are worth more than most peoples cars.
Your your neighbor asks how his new exhaust sounds and you say, "stock."
People tell you an auto is slow, and you laugh at their ignorance.
You take pride in knowing your only 15 min. from anywhere.
When you don’t like to answer how much you really have invested in your car around your father.
When you wake up from a nightmare and your safe place is the inside of your car.
When you're walking and you hear an exhaust note from far away and know exactly what car model and brand it is.
When you stomp it through every tunnel and rev it under every bridge to hear the wicked exhaust note.
When traction doesn't exist until third gear.
You'd rather dream about your car than girls.
When you get your pay check, and the only thing you think about it what mod to do next.
You spend 6 hours in cold finding and solving the 2 lb boost leak because “Its just not right like that”
You laugh when some dude at your work is talking about how scary driving at 140mph is.
When 13mpg is a new record!
When you step on the gas and you can see you're gas needle actually go down.
When you refer to everything in life unmodified as "stock" or “factory."
You find earplugs in almost every pocket of pants you wear.
After a long family road trip you get out and chaulk the tires as another heat cycle.
Your event registrar knows you are coming home from China before your wife does.
You regret your spa day because you should have spent the money on rotors and brakes.
The only shirts you own that are less than 10 years old are all track event T shirts.
You've gone to a Halloween party dressed as a racecar driver because you already have the "costume" at home.
You adjust the camber and toe on your lawn mower.
When you are stuck in traffic you keep track of what cars around you might be in your class.
Your dog's names are Porsche and Enzo
Your wife is jealous of your car.
Your choice for a wedding band was based on which one was lighter.
You have to hold back the urge to ask about the local tracks when a potential employer asks you to relocate.
More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
Your calendar has track dates but not birthdays or anniversaries.
You like the bare metal floor of your car better than the floor mats.

[JivenJim]

Nice
Some new things to work on, in there...